oh, take me to that beautiful somewhere.

it's the end of the common tests.

and maybe through all the endless studying in the june holidays, that i've realized the amount of things i've missed out in life, things that i could've done without the burden of studying and school and getting into a good college. and sometimes it makes me wonder if it's all worth it.

tomorrow, rather in a few hours, i'm going to file, organize, box and tuck my life and my future into files and place them carefully in the cupboard under my books. and that scares me. it scares me that the memorization of a few facts and the knowledge of a few formulas is going to determine what i'll be and how i'll turn out in life.

it makes me wonder how our destinies are determined. mug asked me this question a few times before, and he asked it again. if you could change something, what would you change?

i honestly can't say for certain anymore. and on hindsight, i realize that kind of knowledge comes through experiences. and maybe our experiences aren't exactly the best things to happen to us, but sometimes the best things grow exponentially from there. i don't know.

i'm quite tired out from the stress of common tests, feeling cut off from the world and needing a thorough good night's sleep. too much coffee, too much burning in the stomach, too much wonky eyesight, too much staring at notes, too much unproductiveness (USSR's economic policies!!), too much failure.

i can't take anymore.

sigh.

everything will look better after a good night's rest.

packing, oprah, and good sleep. and please, more quality family time.

i think i need to feel more rejuvenated.